Preparing Caelan for probation

I'm hoping I've had a breakthrough, it feels pretty good.

Caelan will get probation and will be required to follow a set of rules he disagrees with.  In the past he has not shown the ability to do this.

So I am suggesting we implement some of the rules his probation officers has suggested will be a part of his probation.  This will allow us to understand how to support him in following his probation.

Unfortunately I am certain Caelan will violate his probation if he hasn't had practice and I'm not even sure he will comply with the spirit of my rules.  So if he violates the court will at that point likely grant me legal custody since I've been suggesting more structure but have been prevented from implementing it and my suggestions happen to agree with what the court and their experts think.

I'm really at the place where I can take either a yes or a no with equal equanimity.  A no is less work for me now but almost certainly more cost for me later.

A yes is more work for me now with no guarantee of lower costs later.
Both scenarios really mostly impacts Caelan, his mother can continue to enable his self delusion or not.

Thanks

yours in peace

Kenneth

On Sat, Feb 16, 2013 at 1:51 PM, Kenneth Kron <kron@aikido.com> wrote:

Action:
I am still studying the dynamics of our relationship.  It's clear to me that it is a non-linear system so my attempts at linear action have to date been unsatisfactory.

I am not having the influence I'd like to have.

Result:

Big picture:

Caelan get's clear signals that we will not invest in his behaviors that harm him and his community.

Little picture:

Caelan is no longer enabled by his mother.  Who contues to give him money and freedom and does not continue to evaluate his mental health.

He was caught because he left an open baggie of pot in the school locker that they video taped him and only him using and they had probable because of the smell.
He has been arrested for and confessed to selling pot to other school kids on the school campus.
 

yours in peace

Kenneth

On Sat, Feb 16, 2013 at 1:29 PM, richard moon <moonsensei@gmail.com> wrote:

Not sure if this is the right question but what is the specific action you would like to take and

 what is the result that you'd like that action to create and then 

where is the block or how is it being blocked

 try that

See if it clarifies it for either of us

Rmoon@aikido.com

"Create a beautiful world"

                     O sensei

On Feb 16, 2013, at 12:35 PM, Kenneth Kron <kron@aikido.com> wrote:

I realized today that I am back to dancing with an unwilling partner.  Since I desperately want to dance with these partners in particular I see 3 basic lines of effort available for change.

Dance
Willingness
Partner

How can this analysis help? I'm hoping we can find the point that is tipping the arrangement and then possibly we can move forward.  If we find that really we have no incentive in any of the catagories then we may want to reevaluate the entire relationship.

Dance - Maybe there is something mechanical that is your parnter doesn’t like.  Maybe you step on their toes.

Willingness -  Maybe there is something about the person you are trying to partner with that they are just unready to engage with anyone on  any collaboration.

Partner - Maybe the problem is a specific set of beliefs they hold about you that makes them not want to partner with you.  Maybe they don’t mind that you step on their toes maybe you should first understand what it is the believe about you in particular that makes them willing partners to others but not yourself.

yours in peace

Kenneth