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Kenneth said https://youtu.be/xf7aRBDmQjw sooner thoughts from Richard moon.

Kenneth Kron

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Susan, Elizabeth Elli


Aikido: Medicine for a Sick WorldAikido: Medicine for a Sick World
https://youtu.be/xf7aRBDmQjw sooner thoughts from Richard moon
Mon, 8:04 AMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Owe you guys an email. My cleaning binge of yesterday stirred up my allergies. Will get something out tonight. Susan, Kenneth's above text was intended for us after all. There was just a typo in the accompanying message.🙂
Elizabeth Elli • Tue, 9:59 AMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Caelan has jury duty the week September 18
Also he received a notice regarding child support. It reflected that Lillyana owes him support. The County of San Francisco is suing Lillyana for payment.  Caelan mentioned that it was okay, that she could pay him and he could give her the money back right away. I suggested he might want to speak to his case worker about how best to proceed.  This all could be precedent setting, so he definitely needs guidance. And a oral agreement between Caelan and Lillyana is bound to be problematic.
Elizabeth Elli • Tue, 1:51 PMvia Project Fi
It's interesting that Ross Madden is coming up in our lives, I don't see him that often but we did talk recently.  As both you may know his son had a severe drug problem which they are now very open about.  Ross credits Al Anon with saving his family.  I believe it may be a necessary component of healing ours.
Is that perhaps an appropriate "Sober community" for Caelan?
Wed, 8:20 AMvia Project Fi
Susan M. Spence
Could be an option if Caelan is willing to engage
Susan • Wed, 12:59 PMvia Project Fi

As I understand it he currently thinks he’ll be moving in to a Hamilton house property with no supervision?  That is not moving in to a sober community which we all agreed to.  If he does not move in to a sober community I will be willing to meet with his landord and Hamilton house to be sure that he was honest and up front in his application process and they know everything the need to know (including that he has asked me to return his unregistered gun when he moves out of Clement St.).
@Elizabeth I’ve been thinking about your offer to “take the fall/be the bad cop” for any adverse actions we take and after thinking about it some more I wanted to let you know that I am not willing to tell that lie to Caelan. If there has to be tough love I will let him know that whatever actions we take it was you, Mom and Susan that tempered my suggestions.
So I am going to be on the bad cop team and I suggest you not join that team.
Mom and Susan are in a great position to be the good cop team for both Lillyana and Caelan.
I suggest continue in the role of confidant since you have the most time on the ground with them.
Wed, 1:26 PMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Looping back in.  Have been a bit under weather. Just sent email summarizing what I think is the collective wisdom, including the point at which I think we diverge in thinking. Please review when you have a chance and revise to better reflect your thinking.
Elizabeth Elli • Wed, 3:06 PMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Thanks Kenneth for your clarifications above.  To be honest, consensus on how to proceed with Caelan may be elusive for the three of us.  My thinking falls somewhere in the middle of yours and Susan’s, but leans more towards Susan’s.  Keeping the status quo with the baby - and keeping CJ safe in the near-term is my primary  concern. As much as abhor any exploitation of Lillyana, the baby is the more vulnerable in my cognitive triage. Caelan and Lillyana are secondary right now, even though I know we have to build their capacity for the mid- and long-term.  And I think you are, understandably  looking at the mid- and long-term too.  Again, I think we all want the same thing, but we are not in agreement in the process of getting there.  I have thought a lot about Caelan since we had our intervention on Saturday.  I have given him and Lillyana a bit more wide berth, and I can see that he is trying to be considerate in the house and polite with me. He does not respond well to punitive approaches or ultimatums.  And I wish he did because I personally don’t enjoy all the cajoling, but it seems to be what works. For example, I just bought a protective cover for the desk in the study.  Caelan has already damaged it when whatever he was using - ink or marker - bled through the paper he was working on.   Rather than point that out to him, I simply told him that I bought a protective cover for the desk and asked when I could put it on the desk, to which he offered to help me and then asked if he I could suggest something on which he could work in the living room to practice drawing on, and we played with solutions.  I did the same thing with the bed.I bought a plastic drop cloth to go under the canvas protector that I put on it two weeks ago. Instead of waiting for the inevitable, a conflict because he gets wet paint on my new daybed, I simply made it impossible for that to happen. It is swathed in plastic end-to-end.  And he is okay with it.  I’m not sure how this translate into him to seriously address his addiction. Maybe it is the scenario in which I hire a housekeeper, someone who is at the house - someone who will do my laundry  : ) - and then can also pick up slack with the baby during the day. And in this way, the baby is covered regardless, Caelan does not feel redundant, but he then would be covered when he lives elsewhere and hopefully when he titrates.  The one thing that I am absolutely certain about is that if we broach him with any tinge of anger. we loose our ability to engage with him. He shuts down completely.  I can’t get show any sign of distress about anything. 
Elizabeth Elli • Wed, 3:39 PMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Woke up at 3:00 am this morning to use the bathroom and when I opened my bedroom door, I could hear the baby wailing. He was so loud I wasn’t sure if it was coming from Caelan’s room or from the front room.  I found him in his crib, face down, in the worse state I have ever seen him.  He didn’t even raise his head when I spoke softly to him, and when I picked him up, his once was sopping wet and cold  No one was in the bedroom. It took me about ten minutes to calm him down. When I looked in Caelan’s room, Lillyana was sleeping with him in his bed. The baby was still crying a bit, and Lillyana did then wake up and got up saying that she hadn’t hear heard him crying and would get him a bottle - which took forever because none were clean.  I changed the bed linens while she feed him.  I was furious but I said nothing, apart that I had never seen him so upset. I will address it today with them. This has come up before with Caelan, and at the end of the day, someone has to sleep in that front room.
Elizabeth Elli • Thu, 8:07 AMvia Project Fi
Susan M. Spence
Yes, or actually use the baby monitor with the volume up so they can be aroused. That is disturbing that she is going to Caelan's room and not leaving the doors open to hear the baby
Also, CJ seems to be waking up more frequently around that time (3 times in the past 6 days that I know about), so they need to understand they need to be available. He may be going thru a growth spurt or teething or something else but they need to recognize the pattern and be prepared for it (bottles ready) I can talk to them about it tonight if you want
Susan • Thu, 8:26 AMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
Good point, I will reiterate the baby monitor.  I showed Caelan how to use it on his phone, but I have not ever seen him actually use it.  I discussed with Lillyana getting it up and running on her phone.  She never set it up. I talked to them too about getting clarity on who is doing what, as it relates to bottle washing and overall.  The two big issues right now is that there is all manner of clothes and other stuff on the floor in the bedroom, which masks coins and other choking risks for the baby, and the other issue is that they continue to leave food out throughout the house, and we are at risk of attracting rodents and all they bring with them.  I have asked them to come up with a solution that we can then discuss. They are feeding the banana to the baby plain, which he loves, ostensibly because it is so sweet, so I found tactful way to discuss how we want to dilute the baby’s sugar intake and mix it with more complex foods  ideally, and the importance of a healthy, balanced diet for him, which I noted would be challenging because neither she nor Caelan have one, and how important that is going to be in his development. I was very tactful and she didn’t push back.  Turns out her maternal family history includes bi-polar disorder. Her mother’s father shot and killed his mother and served both time in prison and ultimately mental institutions. Lillian had lunch with Alezandra last week, and she is due back in the office on September 17, but she is checking email, so I could reach out to her soon. Lillyana is interviewing for some retail jobs, and I am helping her with her resume, but I have encouraged her to do it for the interviewing experience, but rather not to make any decisions about leaving Young Women Free until after Alezandra returns because she will in all likelihood come through for Lillyana in terms of a regular schedule and meaningful work.
Elizabeth Elli • Thu, 11:13 AMvia Project Fi
What about moving the baby to the middle room. It will make it easier for you to hear him.
Thu, 11:28 AMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth you suggested that we meet at the flat today?  Is that going to happen?
Thu, 1:28 PMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
I thought about that, but it is much harder to make the middle room baby friendly with everything behind the curtains.  And with Caelan in the middle room right now, it means more risks of choking hazards because the floor is littered with dirty clothes and painting assessories.  And in terms of meeting at the flat, I would not advise that the three of us meet with he kids, but rather the three of us meet together briefly to align, maybe at a nearby cafe.   I learned today in bringing Lillyana into work that her father got housing through Hamilton House, and even she noted that there is not substance abuse element  to that service, but that it was through Hamilton House that they secured housing with Mercy Housing.
I also found out from Lillyana and that her therapist, Chrissy, is from the YMCA, and she is supposed to see her on Tuesday and Thursday,  but missed her session this Tuesday for some reason. I asked Lillyana when she texts speak with Chrissy, if Chrissy could recommend a co-parent counselor since setting one up on Caelan’s side is taking so long. And we are bak in the mode of waiting for someone to call him.
Elizabeth Elli • Thu, 4:11 PMvia Project Fi
Elizabeth Elli Dawson
I think it is through this program at the YMCA that Lillyana is getting her mental health services:  https://www.ymcasf.org/initiatives/mental-health-services
Elizabeth Elli • Thu, 10:02 PMvia Project Fi
I wanted to update the two of you that I continue to be quite concerned about the kids.  @Susan as of last night neither Elizabeth nor I had heard from you regarding your availability to meet and so we did meet in your absence (please confirm you are recieing these texts I did call you this morning but you didn't answer).
The result of that meeting is that I feel the need to be more involved in Caelan's care by which I mean having a clear understanding from his care providers what his treatment plan is and getting regular progress reports.
If either of you would like to discuss this with me before I approach Caelan let's set up some time before Monday of next week.
8:42 AMvia Project Fi
Susan M. Spence
Yes I am receiving these texts but as I did not see any text proposing a meeting time and place I came over from the East Bay last night at my usual time. Kenneth, unless there is something more urgently dangerous than the recent events I would propose that we have another conference call this w/e and meet again next week. I was not able to answer your call this morning as I have been working since 7:30. Would you please describe your reasons for your heightened level of concern? I'm not sure what you mean by Caelan's "treatment program". As I understand it he has the option of tapering the methadone as he chooses and he has a plan currently for how he wants to do that.
Susan • 46 minsvia Project Fi
As I am not hearing any updates about Caelans progress I feel like having a family meeting with Caelan and Lillyana both present would be the next logical step.  I do believe taking my concerns to CPS would be beneficial to us all but I understand both Caelan and you would prefer I do not.  If am not not going to engage with CPS then I need Cealan to engage with me.
34 minsvia Project Fi

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